if you like me you must not know who I am
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
