I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
