$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize