It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
