Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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