you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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