"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
