WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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