And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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