Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize