it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
