I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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