would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Found the puke drawer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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