yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Still dying that you shit outside
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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