Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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