if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize