Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
