so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fuck appropriateness.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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