so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
