I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
