my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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