I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and she was petting her beer can
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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