Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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