and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize