just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
