Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My ass is underappreciated
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
