I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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