I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
