Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
