so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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