So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
