allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
