As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
