drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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