Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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