I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
