It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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