Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
