I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
