the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
