My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
