Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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