you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
