i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
