I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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