I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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