i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
