You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
