I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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