It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So many bounce houses so little time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
