You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
