so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
