Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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