found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
