last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
