I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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