put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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