I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
