I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My pussy is not your playground.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
