I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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