I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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