ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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