the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
