I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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