If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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