This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't trust your balls anymore.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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