So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
