i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize