During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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