I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
