Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
