If that was your dad, he is hot
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
