What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
