Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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