guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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