I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
