he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
