Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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