Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
