Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
