we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize