Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
