I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I puked a lego.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
