You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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