OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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