Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
