i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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