he was CRYING into my vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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