Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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