I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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