Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
