Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
