i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
