She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
