im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think your dad took our porno
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
