the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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