dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
