I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
